As I write this, winter is in full swing — wind whipping off rooftops, steps and sidewalks coated with ice. My friend Homer, who is 85, tells me he fell while clearing his driveway last week. It was some time before a neighbour found him.
I think of Mary and Tony Lemche, ages 85 and 86, whom I recently met in an Etobicoke retirement residence, Scarlett Heights Retirement Residence. They no longer have those sorts of worries. For this couple, that winter reality is now just a pretty scene outside their window.
Every year, I interview seniors at retirement homes, for Comfort Life. This is a pleasure I look forward to because I meet so many interesting people leading active lives.
These conversations also leave me feeling frustrated, because so many of our older friends and neighbours pooh-pooh the idea of moving into a residence. “Too expensive,” they say. “I love my house, don’t want to move.” They would rather—and let’s be blunt about this—die than make the move.
A dear friend I’ll call Myrtle had a terrible fall—backwards down the stairs at home—that’s left her frail. But she won’t move. No sir! Waiting for another fall.
Since his wife died a couple of months ago, Homer buys a Burger King hamburger many days, eating half for lunch and half for supper. When I tell him that he would get a balanced and delicious diet in one of the excellent retirement residences I visit, he replies, “Well, I won’t be here long anyway.”
Not the way he’s going ...
The plain truth is that for many of us, our homes—in which families were nurtured and laughter was once the order of the day—have become isolated death traps. Health Canada figures show that in any given year, one in three people over age 65 has a fall; after age 80, one in two fall. Half these falls happen in the home.
In fact, falls account for 40 per cent of admissions to long-term care facilities. And it’s women—because of their propensity for osteoporosis—who are at greatest risk of serious injury. Even without injury, a senior who has fallen may experience “a lack of confidence, increased fear and a
curtailment of activities,” reports Health Canada.
“The thing is,” Mary tells me in the Lemches’ cozy apartment at the sparkling new Scarlett Heights Retirement Residence, “when you are in a house, you never go anywhere. All your friends are gone and the neighbours are young and at work all day.” Her husband, Tony, who has had a slight stroke, is thinking of the 50 bags of leaves he didn’t have to rake up last fall.
Mary and Tony have discovered a fundamental truth: Retirement residences have become the great life-extenders. And it’s no secret why: A healthy, well-rounded diet, exercise classes, swimming pools, on-site medical care, elevators, movies, musical events, daily bus trips and the simple sociability of being with other people.
Shortly after the Lemches moved in, a couple asked if they could join them in the dining room. “We are forever laughing at our table,” says Mary of the new friendship.
I ask the marketing manager at one beautiful residence what holds people back from making the choice to live in a residence. “It’s not the cost,” she says. “It’s just that people find it hard to make the decision.”
Too many seniors, I notice, wait until a crisis—a fall, a stroke, the death of a partner—forces a move. Afterwards, many say, “It was my daughter (or son) who made the decision. It was my daughter who picked this place for me.” Heaven help those with no children. Who will make that decision for them?
Retirement home success stories
Within the pages of Comfort Life, you’ll meet some of the people who have moved into retirement residences—and for whom life is still opening up. People like Arthur Pearce, a former regimental sergeant major, who, at 89, is still full of vim and vinegar and helps lead a current affairs group at his retirement residence. And Mary Messina, who, at 83, has lost her sight, but has forged a friendship with Kay Cole, 87, at her retirement home in Niagara Falls. The two spend their days together laughing and, occasionally, arguing.
And home economics graduate Christine Dahms, 91, who is convinced the balanced diet, with lots of fruit, salad and vegetables, at her Ottawa retirement residence is extending the lives of all the residents. “I’m not just saying it. I firmly believe it,” she says; sharing her credo: “I learn something new every day.”
Our archive carries these and many other retirement home success stories.
Some closing advice on when and how to get into the right retirement home
After visiting dozens of retirement residences through the years, my advice is this:
- Take charge. Don’t wait for your daughter or son to have to make the decision for you. Visit retirement residences in your area, especially those close to your family, long before you need one.
- If possible, do a trial stay in a residence guest suite for a night or even a week. Talk to everyone you can and find out about the food and the activities. It’s not fancy equipment that counts— it’s how much it’s used.
- Are these your kind of people? There’s bingo everywhere, but if it’s books or a game of bridge you’re interested in, are you likely to find someone who shares your interest here? Look for a lively retirement home with lots of interaction among the residents.
- Maintain your usual outdoor activities—whether service club luncheons, mallwalking, whatever—and, if practical, continue to drive your car.
- And a purely personal observation: If you are on your own, rent the smallest unit in the very best retirement home facility you can afford. If the residence is good, you won’t be spending much time in your apartment anyway. If you’re a couple, think about a two-room unit—there can be too much proximity. Especially if one partner snores!
