Intimacy for Men: How to deal with a woman's emotions
In our last advice on relationships blog, we identified the four levels of intimacy as:
- Physical – creating desire and arousal
- Emotional – creating affection, caring and trust
- Mental – creating interest and receptivity
- Spiritual – opening our hearts, creating respect; overcoming judgements / doubts
Intimacy: The fourth stage of dating
Intimacy is the fourth stage of dating as well as a life long journey (and a very long blog.) At this stage, your strategy is to slowly reveal more of who you are. This is the time to relax and just get to know each other.
What a relief! Ladies, you can open up more and communicate when you are in a mood. Now you can share your vulnerabilities and be the rest of who you are. As you are able to share more of your thoughts and feelings, and your man continues to express love, interest, and desire, then you are ready to experience increasing physical intimacy.
Guys, you may be feeling some relief as well. After all, you have been looking forward to more physical intimacy. As your woman is able to be more open with you, you can both feel the joy of a deeper emotional connection and increased physical contact.
There’s a lot to blog about that relates to intimacy. Today we’ll focus on what a man needs to know in order to develop emotional intimacy with his woman.
What a Man Needs to Know about Emotional Intimacy
The primary challenge of this stage for men is to understand that as a woman becomes more vulnerable in the relationship, her emotions tend to rise and fall. For many weeks she may feel very loving and happy, then her emotions reach their peak, the wave crashes, she hits bottom and has very little to give.
This is when a man needs to draw from his skills from stage three of dating and continue to give his best without expecting an immediate return. He needs to remember that he? has the power to provide for her happiness and not take it personally.
Avoid trying to talk her out of her feelings. Take the time to be more supportive in a way that works for her. Rather than giving solutions, a man can be most successful if he provides increased understanding and empathy. A woman needs to feel that? she is not being judged or rejected for not being as loving.
According to John Grey in Mars and Venus on a Date, there are three common expressions of how a woman may feel when her emotions are on the way down:
- Overwhelmed
- Insecure
- Resentful
This is no party. Yet every storm provides the opportunity to get closer and build your relationship. Let’s take it from the top.
She Feels Overwhelmed
If she says: “I have no time to go out. There is too much to do and I can’t do it all.”
| Don’t Say | Do Say |
| Don’t do it. You should just relax and take it easy. | You give so much of yourself for others. What about a hug? |
| Forget about it and come out tonight. We can have a good time instead of worrying about everything. | There is so much to do. Then listen with empathy as she lists everything. |
| You worry about everything. It will all be good. Let’s just go out and have a good time. | Listen to everything that needs to be done. Ask, “How can I help?” |
She feels insecure
A woman may suddenly begin to ask questions about the relationship, her partner’s feelings about her, or his attraction to her. She is looking for reassurance, not an answer.
If she says, “ Do you think I’m fat?” (Warning: A less than thoughtful response may be lethal)
| Don’t Say | Do Say |
| Well you don’t have the body of a super model but you’re OK. | I think you are gorgeous and I love you just the way you are. |
| If you want to lose weight then why don’t you call Jenny? | You turn me on. |
| If you would come with me to the gym when I ask then you would feel better abut your body. | You’re a knock out and I love your body. |
Sidebar: The man who responds with any of the above Do’s can expect to feel very lucky in the not-too-distant future.
If she says, “Do you still love me? Do you think we’re right for each other?”
| Don’t Say | Do Say |
| Well we probably have a lot of things to work out | Yes. I am in love with you and you are my world. |
| Why else would I be going out with you for a year? | I love you more each day. |
| Time will tell … | Yes. You are the most fantastic woman I have ever been with. |
Side bar: Are you catching on to a pattern of loving responses here? You are so going to thank me.
She feels Resentful
You may notice that there are times when a woman feels as if she is giving more than she is receiving. This is an indication that her wave is crashing. Be careful not to judge her or condemn her for being unreasonable and again, do NOT try to talk her out of her feelings.
If she says, “The service in this place is really poor. We’ve been waiting for our check for over 20 minutes!”
| Don’t Say | Do Say |
| They’re busy. I’m sure they are doing the best they can. | I can’t believe it. The people beside us have their check. I’ll go find him. |
| It’s not his fault; they’re obviously short of staff. | He’s ignoring us. I can’t believe they have so few staff. |
| Don’t worry, we’re not in a hurry. | If he doesn’t come over soon we’ll be late for the show. I’ll try to get his attention. |
The last thing a woman needs is her man to minimize what has upset her. Allow her to talk it out, vent and feel that you are on her side. This is what intimacy is all about.
So what’s the best advice on relationships when it comes to building emotional intimacy with your woman? Learn to recognize and respond to her emotions as they rise and fall.
Stay tuned for my next blog on what a woman needs to know in order to develop emotional intimacy with her man. From my advice on relationships to you …
Karen
