Falling In Love Again: Love At First Sight...Really?In popular culture there is a powerful, popular, and yet misguided, belief in the experience of Love at First Sight. After all what is the one thing that you can see in a person right away? Their values? No. Life experience? No. Intelligence? No. Let’s see … their mojo? Yup.
What you see is...what you see
Most of the time what you can see in a person right away is what you can see: looks, physique, dress. Although many readers can’t wait to tell a story of someone they know who found love at first sight, and I won’t argue, there are more stories of relationships that began that way and failed to launch. It takes time to get to know someone. And there is no substitute for putting in the time.
Giving too much
Falling in love at first sight is like falling under a spell. A woman in this state is sure that she has found the man of her dreams and will respond as if she is already getting everything she wants. She is lovingly responsive and receptive to whatever he does. She is so satisfied by his presence that she begins to think, “What can I do to be worthy of him? How can I make sure he likes me? She tends to give too much, proceeds to pursue him and he, predictably, becomes less interested in her.
A wise woman approaches the experience very differently. She is careful to remember that although she may feel as if this is an exclusive relationship with her ideal partner, it is not. She remembers that they are in stage one of dating, attraction. He is not exclusive with her (Stage 3), she doesn’t really know him (Stage 4), and they are not engaged to be married (Stage 5). Having a clear awareness of appropriate responses in the different stages of dating helps to keep a balanced perspective.
So what’s the best advice on relationships when it comes to love at first sight? Run. Or at least keep your head.
Stay tuned for our next blog on Phase 3 of Dating: Exclusivity. From my advice on relationships to you ...